A Few Interesting and True Waldos Adventures
Golden Gate Bridge Bouncing
One day we suddenly realized that we had never actually walked across the Golden Gate Bridge (only driven across it). A first thought was, “let’s do it.” And the second thought was, “let’s go underneath the bridge”.
There was no security at the time. The Waldos climbed out on the girders underneath the Golden Gate Bridge over the water. There were bridge painter’s safety nets between some of the girders that were the last line of defense in case workmen-painters were to fall. They instantly became trampolines for the Waldos.
Elevator Escape Experts
The Waldos would go over to the large San Francisco city hotels to mess with the tourists. While going up in one of the hotel elevators, the power went out. The escape hatch in the top of the elevator seemed sealed, so we found a way to pry the elevator doors open. At the top of the doors on the right hand side, was a locking/release mechanism. We studied it in great detail and figured out how to work it, however, when we got the doors open we discovered we were half a floor above the lobby destination. We quickly became adept elevator escape experts and went from highrise hotel to hotel stalling and escaping from them. Sometimes we opened up the doors to find ourselves half a floor above the floor destination, other times we found we were half a floor below the destination. People waiting in the lobby for an elevator would suddenly see the floor doors open and only half an elevator of Waldo heads (or feet) making very strange Waldo noises (ffft zoit!, Eyot! etc.).
The Alberian Method™
In conversation with strangers, or in front of strangers, sometimes the Waldos would profess to be utilizing “The Alberian Method.” We would brag that we would use the Alberian Method to snow ski, do math homework, arduous chores, improve a golf swing, etc. We would say, “no matter what you do in life, if you use the Alberian Method, it would always be more fun and more effective in helping do the activity better.”
In actuality there was no such thing as the ‘Alberian Method’… it was a hoax…and we avoided answering any request to define it. But we were always emphatic with people that it could be used to do “ANYTHING.”
Once, in front of some people, a Waldo chatted about using the “New Alberian Method”. Another Waldo countered that we should be purists, and must only use the “Old Alberian Method”. The phony quarrel became a fake-staged fistfight quite startling to the tourists.
The Waldos were masters at phony, staged fistfights. One other time, after high school, a few Waldos staged a fake fight that was so realistic, they actually got taken down to the police station in a paddy wagon.
James Bond Waldo Infiltration
In 1971 the Vietnam War was going on. We drove out to Hamilton Air Force Base which was in full wartime activity. Setting the mood, we got high while listening to soundtracks from James Bond movies…and then (like in a Bond movie) evaded all security, sneaking into the aircraft hangars where fighter jets were being weaponized. When we got caught we expected to be turned over to the police. Instead, the bored mechanics were happy to see the Waldos and gave us full detailed tours of all the weapons systems and armaments.
At the end of many long and stoned evenings, the Waldos would drive up to Jack in the Box and try and convince the workers to give free fries. Waldos would not take NO for an answer. Relentless, incessant, and unstoppable pressure from the Waldos always led to a successful wearing down of the Jack in the Box employees. Eventually, the employees always gave up… and always said– “OK, free fries.”
Hitchhiker Car Washes
Many Safari adventures would begin with a car wash of the 1966 Chevy Safari mobile. Hitchhiking was extremely common in the early 1970’s. We would pick up a completely innocent hitchhiker and ask him if he minded if we took a minute to get the car washed along the way. They always said that they would not mind. Without saying anything to the hitchhiker, we would go through the rain tunnel section of the auto wash, and then when we got to the hundred-mile-an-hour-winds car drying section we would roll down the windows and scream in the deafening wind (emerging with new hairdos and a wide-eyed hitchhiker).
Modern Day Waldos
The Waldos were on Waldo Safari on a jet plane sitting in the back of the plane before takeoff. One Waldo sat in the window seat, and the other Waldo on the aisle seat. We didn’t want anybody sitting in the middle seat between us, so with one Waldo holding up one side of the San Francisco Chronicle Newspaper and the other guy holding up the other side edge of the newspaper, we made it look like someone was in the middle seat reading the paper. One-by-one we watched people come to the back of the plane, and thinking that someone was there reading the newspaper, they would turn around and go back towards the front of the plane. (We were 57 year-old Waldos at the time…still trying to hold in the laughs when people would turn around.)